So, my friend Alexander Parsonage and I were watching an episode of John Oliver about Putin and Trump’s love affair, and we were astounded at the number of parallels between Russia and America:

– egomaniacal uber-macho leaders
– imperialist ambitions
– romantic attachment to nukes
– domination of country by super-rich oligarchy (despite both nations claiming to be a land based on the concept of equality)
– love of busty blondes
– have produced some of the world’s most amazing culture – think Russian ballet, American Motown, Russian classical music, novels from both nations – but have also produced some of the trashiest forms of music and television in human history; utterly sublime crap

So we thought, why not have a party to see which is the craziest country on earth??

Alexander’s description for the Facebook page for the event:

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So America has moved on. It was a ‘Special Relationship’ we had for a while, but they’ve decided they need space to explore new sides of themselves. Let’s be blunt, they just like it more rough than we do… but isn’t it great that they’ve got a new playmate to experiment with their new human rights BDSM fetish? Sure, we’d all much rather they’d agreed on a safe word before they started, but I for one think we should be celebrating their new found companionship with the Russian Bear.

So assuming we haven’t been incinerated in WW3 by then, let’s have a night of US-Russian inspired fusion cooking, cocktails and satire watching. As an inspiration for fusion dishes to bring:

– Putine (sauerkraut topped poutine)
– Stroganoff loaded fries
– Borscht burger
– Deep fried chicken Kiev
– Loka-her-up (potato latka pancakes with bacon and maple syrup)
– Trumpplings

Obviously Moscow Mules, White Russians, Manhattans and vodka-bourbon chasers will all be encouraged.

Plus, the photo for the event:

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Essentially we made a feast of meaty American-Russian fusion food, loaded the bar with vodka and whisky, and ate, drank, and laughed ourselves stupid watching insane shit on Youtube. A perfect way to spend a cold January night if you ask me. I mean, if we’re all going to die imminently in a hailfire of nukes, we might as well be nicely sozzled to cushion the pain, and a bit fattened up to prepare for nuclear winter. M’I rite?

Behold our nuclear bunker comfort food:

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Putine. Technically this is a Canadian dish, but I allowed it because Canada is the only country between the US and Russia.

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Borscht Burgers, with ketchup made from beets and the patties made from pork, with sour cream (natch). Inspired.

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KFC Fried Chicken Kiev – proper chicken kiev deep fried with a spicy coating using the actual Colonel’s secret 11 herbs and spices (which were leaked last year).

Hats off to my mate Dan Garber of Record-Play for bringing the most bizarre food of the evening: pickled herring and microwaveable French fries.

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And for creating a truly bizarre music playlist: a Spotify collection of songs containing the word “Russia” or “USSR” or “America”. There’s some great stuff on there – Back in the USSR being an obvious one – but a lot of fucking weird metal. It was a good prelude during cooking to get us in the right mood for twisted humour.

Hats off to our mate Janet for bringing what basically amounted to an entire bar (only bourbon and vodka based drinks allowed).

And of course Alex and my flatmate Gwynne for spending what must have been two hours with the deep fryer.

And an EXTRA SPECIAL thank you to my darling friend Neon Kelly for sending us a special message, as he couldn’t be there in person with his Russian impression, which I adore.

Also, I guess we should thank Putin for orchestrating a global takeover of the world by the Russian mafia and getting the Orange One into power. You sure pulled a fast one on us this time!

I could have spent like 36 hours just watching weird crap from the world’s batshit crazy superpowers and eating myself stupid.

For your interest, here are some of the weird things we decided to watch.

We kicked off the evening with a couple of the majestic Samantha Bee’s bits on Russian interference in American politics:

Samantha Bee on Russian Thinkfluencers

Full Frontal is Scared: Masha Geesen Edition

Then we moved into the weird, the wacky and the truly terrifying.

Soviet Anthem on Eight Floppy Drives

The Donald Trump Cheerleaders

Hugh Laurie’s Song For America

CNN: A look at the snake handlers of Appalacia

Dash Cam Russia

John Oliver on Nuclear Weapons

Borat – Throw the Jew Down the Well

Worker and Parasite!

Happy Together: Red Russian Army

One Like Putin (he has his own pop song didn’t you know)

Russian pop star Vitas

 

And many more.

Honestly, we really did only scratch the surface of insane crap to watch from both superpowers. This bears repeating.

 

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