I know it’s annoying when people post images of their lunch on social media. But this was by leaps and bounds, the WORST pizza I have ever had.

Brazil features some of the most spectacularly awful food, it borders on sublime. And I’M from NORTH AMERICA. I grew up surrounded by terrible food. I’ve tasted Arby’s. It should be impossible to shock me.

But shock me the Brazilians can. They seem to have embraced the worst of American cuisine – awful bread, processed cheese and excess sugar – and taken it to the next level. (Which is as hilarous as it is lamentable, considering it is also a lush land of plenty, where it shouldn’t be hard to order a salad.)

Anyways, this is the worst pizza I have ever experienced. All the more amusing because it was in Sao Paulo airport, at what I believed to be the least bad restaurant in the terminal. I thought I could be safe ordering the “Portuguese” pizza, as I had eaten one with an identical title three days earlier in Itacare, and it featured capers and olives. What could go wrong?

But nay. NAY. This version came with:
– chopped up egg
– an entire layer of “ham” (as in an entire circle of ham)
– three layers of cheese
– overcooked wonderbread-like “crust”
– and, inexplicably, peas

I had to dissect it first, just to be certain I was brave enough to try it.

When frozen peas are the best thing about your pizza, you know it’s one for the ages.