1. Dear New Orleans: I love you, but *GODDAMNIT* you gave me giardia. Curse you and your eroded public infrastructure.

2. Dear Zoe: You should have drunk the free cocktails at the alcohol industry conference instead of tap water. Oh, the irony.

3. Dear Giardia: Alright you filthy infestation, you have made my life a misery since August and I’ve lost probably 40 days of my life to you. Time to blast you out of the system.

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4. Dear Fasigyn: Don’t be gentle with me, please give my GI tract the pharmaceutical equivalent of shock and awe.

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5. Dear Everyone: Don’t drink the tap water in “the city that care forgot”.

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