Animal rights activists kind of piss me off. Not because I don’t care about animals. Not because I don’t care about their rights.

They piss me off because they are frequently shrill, illogical and hypocritical. So often the causes they take up have more to do with saving cute animals than doing anything concrete to improve the ecology of the planet. And in fact their campaigns are often counter-productive to ‘saving the environment’ or ‘improving animal welfare.’

Like “pescetarians.” They annoy me. A pescetarian is basically a “vegetarian” that thinks it’s ok to eat fish, but not mammals or birds. Why? Because supposedly fish don’t feel pain (or whatever reason they make up that day). Why the hell wouldn’t fish feel pain? That’s scientifically untrue and logically ass-backwards. Pain and fear are normal responses that animals feel which tell them to avoid potentially damaging circumstances (like a burning flame, or the bite of a predator). And research has shown that fish do in fact feel pain.

Moreover, there are plenty of cows, pigs and chickens on earth (far too many in fact). But there really aren’t that many fish left in the ocean. In fact, we’ve overfished the seas so much, that fishermen now drag huge nets along the ocean – a practice known as “bottom trawling” – in order to catch deep sea fish which are still fairly plentiful (for now). In so doing they destroy everything covering the bottom of the oceans, like deep sea corals, which take thousands of years to develop.

Saying that eating fish is more humane than eating mammals is just speciesism. There’s not much of a logical basis for it, but people relate more easily to brown eyed cows than they do to cold scaly fish – so they order salmon instead of steak and act sanctimonious.

I’m not saying that the way we farm animals today is ok. It’s not. It’s horrible for the animals, horrible for the environment, and horrible for us.

But look: either it’s ok to kill things and eat them, or it isn’t. If you’re going to be a vegetarian, do so in earnest. Don’t say it’s ok to eat some things but not others, and give me bullshit reasons why.

But I digress. Where was I? Oh right. Animal rights activists kind of piss me off.

… and sometimes they absolutely make me piss myself laughing.

Activists in Maine spent $3400 liberating about 300 lobsters, which they bought from a local supplier.

What I find really funny is the fact that the owner of the lobsters warned the activists that they would probably just be caught again straightaway – lobster stocks are apparently very low right now and prices are at a record high, so a throng of 300 fully grown, wayward, one-clawed (and therefore handicapped) lobsters probably won’t get far before being re-ensnared. Apparently the activists responded “That’s OK. We just want them to have a chance before they get caught again.”

Aw, bless. I have to admit, I am a little touched by the act – lobsters are neither cute nor cuddly, and they make for unlikely poster-children for the animal rights crowd. So I kind of respect the fact that these people cared so much about their welfare.

Nonetheless, their actions were pretty futile and annoying, as well as hilarious. Could they not have found a better way to spend $3400 than releasing 300 lobsters, who will probaly just be caught again?

I know of one: $3400 would buy you 68 pristine acres of rainforest – a worthy investment if I ever heard of one.

I’m sure these lobster liberators had their hearts in the right place, but it would have been nice if their heads had been too.